Not long ago, I facilitated an Emotional Intelligence training program for 20 leaders of a large global organization. As a part of the program I taught a simple, proven technique that enables people to quickly transform negative, draining emotions and job stress into positive feelings and behaviors. The technique itself takes only a few minutes to explain the steps. Then I spend a few more minutes helping the participants prepare to use the technique for the first time. The preparation involves jotting down a few descriptive words about the job stress. These words typically describe their "head reaction" in terms of emotions and thoughts about that job stress. After writing down these descriptions, I explain the five steps of the technique. The 4th step is to ask your wisdom or your heart, "What is a more effective or better response to this job stress?"
The participants then practice using the technique, following the five steps and writing down the answer to the 4th step's question. When the participants have finished, I debrief by asking each participant to write one word for their "head reaction" and then one word describing their "heart or wisdom" answer in step 4.
In turn, I ask each person to share two words, one for their "head reaction" and one for their "heart or wisdom" reaction. As they share their words, I list them on a flip chart. The responses are listed below:
"Head Reaction"
Annoyed
Unappreciated
Stunned
Agitated
Anger
Guilty
Threatened
Resentful
Frustrated
Fear
Wary
Overwhelming
Complaining
Combative
Stunned
"Heart Reaction"
Peaceful
Gentle
Positive
Calm
Caring
Confident
Acceptance
Control
Freedom
Unburdened
Constructive
Anticipatory
Competent
Cooperative
As you look over these two columns, what stands out in your mind? Wouldn't you rather be experiencing the emotions in the second column? Wouldn't you rather your people (those reporting to you) also be experiencing these emotions? Don't you think if they were experiencing these emotions they would be more efficient and productive - as would you? As long as I have facilitated my program, the feelings and emotions described in these two columns are very typical no matter the industry, position, sex or age of the participants.
The key here is that in just a minute (or maybe less) and the very first time participants apply the emotional self-management technique, they can transform detrimental, exhausting emotions into positive, productive behaviors and emotions. While some "Emotional Intelligence gurus" have indicated it takes months to develop skills, my experience has been quite the opposite. If people use these skills, they can enhance their skills very quickly. Participants following the technique described have been able to boost their skills in a matter of minutes.
